I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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