Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
