is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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