I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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