Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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