I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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