and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
either way he was missing a nipple.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
