omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
