i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We left the knife in your bed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
