Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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