guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
