Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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