do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
