Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
