Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
