if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
