I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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