My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wish I only lived at night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
3pm strippers are depressing
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im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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