the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
