Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
