Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
