But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
