i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
