Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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