I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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