i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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