I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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