I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
