i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
be right there i have to get my cape
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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