you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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