everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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