the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
