I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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