I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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