her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
