I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she looked like the before picture.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
