PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
