The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My cat gives me a boner
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
