Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
