I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
