And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You made out with two different species that night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
