You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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