The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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