sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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