Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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