mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
