Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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