If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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