i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
