i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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