I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
