It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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