Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
