my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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