I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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