i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
