I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
