Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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