she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
