My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
