The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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