none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
