After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
