I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
