clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
