No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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