I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
