just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
