Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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