would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
