Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Houston, we have a squirter
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
