i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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