Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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