you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
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The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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