get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
