i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
