Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How does one acquire holy water?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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